Off I go!

So here I am hours away from beginning my last ICU shift.This is so bittersweet. Sweet because I will be a human with my family and be able to function again. Bitter because of the extremly rewarding job and wonderful people I am leaving. I will miss them all. This is a new phase in my life. It is time to rest. I want to learn how to do this. I dont know if I can, but I must try. I am going to be there for my kids. I am so excited for this new change. I am also scared for this new change. God will provide. It may sound cliche but he always does and always has. I say this not because it is the right thing to say, but because it is truth. I struggle with feeling worthy to have a good life. I want to sieze the wonderful life I have been given and live to the fullest my potential. I am going to get to go back to church, though I admit the prospect is frightening. we have been gone so long. Maybe too long? I struggle within my self every time the issue comes up and I am not sure why. I need to lead my example but I azm not willing to fake it. I really have to feel it too. I am writing this blog to commemmorate the end of an era in my life. Not the end of struggle but the end of my feeling like I must suffer to recieve. I recieve this wonderful job and the new wonderful life that goes with it.